The Little Mermaid.

Some months ago Disney released the trailer of her new live action movie with that name, and the media went all crazy discovering the first images of it, but mostly because the actress portraying the main character has dark skin. She is not white and pale like the cartoon from the late eighties. That created a huge fuss around the fact that some people felt betrayed by that change and that their childhood was ruined by the new movie they haven’t even seen yet. On the other hand lots of little girls were happier than ever because they felt the little mermaid was like them. I had goosebumps when I heard her sing and it made me think about how important that movie was in my life and if it was really such a big deal.

Mermaids have always been one of my favourite mythical creatures since I was a child, others have fairies, unicorns or elves, mine were mermaids. Not only the women but also the men, of course, for me both had to exist somewhere under the sea. Probably because I have always loved anything related with that part of the aquatic world. Even if I was born inland very far away from the ocean, at around 2600 metres above the sea level. Funny thing is now I live 5 minutes from the Mediterranean.

First I have to say this is my favourite Disney movie, I was 8 back in 1989 and I remember how I loved that movie from the first time I saw its trailer. I’ve always like mermaids so for me it was a great movie. Splash was a good one too but I didn’t see it until later, plus the Prince Eric was my first crush. Now it all makes sense but back then it was all blurry.

Now that I am grown I can see why my cousin and my mother where always saying how hot the king Triton was, but back then it was more the younger ones that I liked. Then again when you are 8 or something like that, teenagers and older where already like adults for you. You are just a kid trapped in a world you dislike seeing how you can get away from there once you are grown enough to do it.

Truth is, as you read already in La Trilogía de África, I wasn’t happy living in Africa back there. I know it could have been worse, but back then it felt like a punishment. I understand why I had that impression, seeing it from the distance age gives you. It wasn’t easy being a stranger, struggling to fit in a country far away from yours, but even more if you are not straight and they ask you to be like the other little boys.

I don’t think any of my school mates was fan of that movie, maybe some were because she was a girl and she was pretty. That would be it, a pretty cartoon. As I said above, I liked the Prince a lot, he was very handsome, and I could acknowledge it, although I would not say it out loud. I knew I was different for feeling like that but I didn’t understand what it exactly meant. Ariel was living in a world she didn’t like and wanted to go away with her crush. I could understand it perfectly although I would have never left the sea for earth where I was not happy and being bullied.

Her struggle and yearns were mine too. I didn’t know I was gay but I did know I was different and I didn’t fit there, for some reasons I was always a stranger, and I felt like a fish out of the water constantly. I knew there had to be a world out there where I would be happier and where I could be me, without hiding whatever I was. I would be accepted for who I was.

My idea would have been the other way round, instead of leaving the underwater world for mine I would have traded my place with the mermaid. A little bit like Tom Hanks did at the end of Splash and live under the sea with Maddison. I would have loved to live amongst the sea creatures, the dolphins and of course the other merpeople. His decision was easy because he had no ties on land and his love was due to return under the sea. She had always been the one and now he had found her he would sacrifice all his life to be with her.

The main issue, back when I was a child, was I didn’t fit the world I was living in. Of course I didn’t. In the eighties and early nineties there wasn’t any kind of representative of the gay community, we knew they existed but not how or where or if it was OK to be one of them. Very little was shown. Nowadays some people complain about the inclusion of diversity in the shows because they feel no one needs to see lgtbq characters but we do. We grew up and turned out OK but it would have been easier for us if we had had some references we could follow and not just felt weird and out of place all the time.

It would have helped to deal with that feeling of wanting to get out of there constantly and trying to escape somewhere else we didn’t even know why. Nowadays some people complain about the social politics that want to include more sexual and affective education at school so little boys and girls can understand and know that not only man/women love exists. For them the children don’t need to know that. Well they do. They need to know they are not freaks. They need to know it is OK to have feelings for the same gender. You are not a monster.

Mythology created some called mermaids that used to sink boats with their singing and attracting sailors to their demise. Then literature and cinema continued to portray them as mysterious creatures that could be good or bad. Some saved people, others did the opposite, some fell in love and found their ends by trying to be with that person. The original tale of the little mermaid doesn’t end well. She dies in the end and turns into sea foam because the prince didn’t marry her, she couldn’t kill him to save herself which was the ultimate deal the sea hag did with her in order to save her life. In Splash, she is tracked by a supposed scientist who wants to reveal the world mermaids exist. He finally does it, exposing her publicly, she is captured then by the military who try to make experiments on her to see how her anatomy works. They end up escaping and going away down under the sea. The world is not so nice.

I could write about other stories involving these sea creatures, but it is The Little Mermaid I want to finish analysing. I remember when I was 16, life was not as paced as it may be now. Days felt like weeks. The deal of having legs for three days was more than enough. Now I would say no, of course, but back then it was perfect. That urge to get out of the water and go and find the prince and live with him is something a teenager can understand, but adults cannot. At 41 I would say to chill and just let things go with the flow, because they will end up turning out OK. However when I turned 16 that wasn’t the case. I had a crush I wanted to be with. It didn’t last long, just two weeks maybe, but it felt like an eternity. He was older than me so I had to pretend and lie to see him because he wouldn’t pass as a teenager like us. So one of my friends would cover for me so we could be together. It was intense. It was forbidden but it finally felt normal. I felt that it was where I belonged.

Of course now I look back at that and it feels odd and dull. All that drama just to hold hands with him and a few kisses. All the going around the parents and their rules to be with the forbidden love. The sea witch knew better, she was on our side and helped us to be united. Even if her price to pay was high and painful, or felt like it was too much from the viewers perspective, from ours it was just perfect. We wanted to get out of the sea, to be part of his world and we wanted it now. NOW.

I made the deal, I went to see my love, or so I thought back then, and it turned out to be a disappointment. He lied to me, we planned to meet and spend the afternoon together, he never showed up. I saw him drive past by with his girlfriend in the car, he didn’t notice me. I never saw him again. I was told years later that he was sort of engaged with her and I was just some kind of last minute fun, even if it wouldn’t be considered any of those, he was just playing with me because he liked me and I was nice to him. He never intended to leave her, although he eventually did and never got married. He turned out to be gay too.

And just like that, same as in the original tale, I discovered that life doesn’t always have a happy ending and it may be more disappointing than we want it to be.

October 2022